He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
