Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I still have a little drunk in my system
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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