I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
