What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my poor anus
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
