Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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