I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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