I want to have your abortion
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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