Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
