Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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