I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
