i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
