when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
