You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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