Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
