i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize