i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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