well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
