i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
