So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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