im drinking this country out of the recession.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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