dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
