she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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