I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
