best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize