Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
