so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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