Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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