and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
