Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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