watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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