I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We have started to decorate penises.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
