Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
