Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
