so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
