im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
