he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
