We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
