he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
