textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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