how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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