you have to choose: penises or morals?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
