Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
