i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
