He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
