I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
