Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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