Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
