lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
