WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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