so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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