evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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