i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize