Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
