I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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