the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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