birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
