Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
