I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize