i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
