the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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