I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
