If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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