drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
