Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
