Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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