i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
