that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
