My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You can't special order awesome
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
