I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
