Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
