community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you didnt know i had herpes?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
