The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
