Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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