went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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