allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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