Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
