this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
