dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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