I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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