im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
