would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize