this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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