Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize