guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
