I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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