my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
