The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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