I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
